Bonds of Intimacy in Xavier Dolan's I Killed My Mother

I Killed My Mother, Xavier Dolan (2009)

What qualifies I Killed My Mother as such an impressive debut feature isn't the fact that its writer-director was twenty years old when he made it—it's the level self-awareness he possessed at such a young age. Xavier Dolan demonstrates the ability to look inward and reflect upon the fact that being closeted, combined with familial dysfunction, brought out the worst parts of himself without much time having passed. 

The semi-autobiographical main character Hubert is seventeen, and portrayed by Dolan. Hubert is written to beautifully illustrate the intersection of two common occurrences in certain parent-child relationships, the first being the response Hubert has to his parent's divorce and his father's subsequent absence. Though nearly an adult, he's still too young to have maturely processed his anger, made especially painful by the fact that his birth partially caused his father to leave. Unable to take out this anger on his father, he inflicts his rage upon the parent who is physically present. This is only enhanced by Hubert's status as an only child—he and his mother are trapped in a cycle of emotional chaos without any sort of mediator. And Dolan seems to understand this, having scarcely painted this semi-autobiographical character in the kindest light. Hubert is pretentious. Self-absorbed. Narcissistic. Unnecessarily harsh toward his mother, who can't seem to do anything without irritating him. A grueling slow-motion close-up shot of Chantale (Anne Dorval) devouring a bagel, cream cheese and all, is our introduction to her as a character. Something so harmless suddenly appears grotesque, as though she eats messily with the sole intent of offending anyone unfortunate enough to be in her presence.

I Killed My Mother, Xavier Dolan (2009)

The second phenomenon is the "coming out" arc of a child from a dysfunctional home. Put simply, Hubert's primary motivation is to assert his independence and regain some sense of control. He admits on multiple occasions that he loves his mother, but struggles to express this love without some sort of caveat. During a night out, Hubert does so much speed that he feels the overwhelming urge to wake his mother up and reveal that he misses sharing things with her. His insobriety gives him permission to emotionally regress in a manner that proves healing. Knowing that Hubert is an intensely private young man, he might have kept any romantic partners a secret from his mother regardless of their gender. But "queerness," even an innocent high school romance, is viewed as inherently sexual.

For many young queer people, remaining in the closet is an issue of safety—their wellbeing could be at stake if their bigoted or conservative elders were to hear the news. But Hubert's feeling of safety isn't as obvious. His own feeling of independence and privacy registers as safe, because he doesn't inherently feel that at home. And revealing this intimate detail about his life marks the end of that feeling of security, even if it's to someone who loves him unconditionally. Chantale, for the first half of the film, understands Antonin (Francois Arnaud) to be Hubert's close friend. When Antonin's mother unintentionally reveals that the two boys are actually in a romantic relationship, Chantale says nothing to imply that her disappointment is related to homophobia on her part. She is merely saddened that Hubert didn't feel comfortable enough to share this information with her before.   

Dolan has enjoyed a steady career as an actor and filmmaker after making his debut film in 2010, but I would consider I Killed My Mother to be his magnum opus—a beautifully shot, intimately written reflection on an incredibly complex and tumultuous mother-son relationship.

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Essay by Marisa Winckowski
Assistant Curator, Filmatique